I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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