I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
