mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
