idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
