it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
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