I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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