I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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