Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
