Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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