I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
