8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
