stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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