He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
