It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They took my balls.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
