Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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