Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
