ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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