Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
