When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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