it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
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There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...