Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
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I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.