Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
