Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
