My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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