The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
