So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im holly from the hills drunk
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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