Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
