drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
