i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
