I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Found your dick twin last night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
