I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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