Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
