can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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