turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
