Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
