My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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