I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
