upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
