$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You are the jesus of drinking
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
