How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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