but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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