pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
