i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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