In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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