I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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