if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
