she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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