I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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