they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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