your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
