Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
