I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
