Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
