You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
