Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
