Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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