You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
