I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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