He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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