Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
