I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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