That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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