My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
