Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
