He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she looked like the before picture.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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