i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
