How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
