Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
