Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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