I will die if light touches me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
