u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
