Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
